Bye Bye Diamond Ring, Hello STDs
Not that long ago, a small town in Massachussets got a lot of attention because there appeared to be a “pregnancy pact” among teenage girls at the local high school. More than a dozen misguided young ladies, allegedly, intentionally got pregnant. That incident illustrated the extreme confusion in our society about the beauty of motherhood and its appropriate place in a lifelong marriage. Moreover, it showed no understanding of the crucial element of love and commitment for sexual relations.
Now, it appears a new trend might have that story beat. National Public Radio recently aired a story highlighting what today’s youth believe “real commitment” looks like (click here for story). The piece describes how one knows a relationship is serious and committed when “the condoms come off.”
Everyone knows that these days more and more young people are choosing to live together prior to walking down the aisle, despite the statistically proven increase in likelihood of divorce for cohabitators. But many people would be shocked to know that instead of a diamond ring to signify a future together, young people are simply acknowledging their vulnerability and trust through not protecting themselves during sex.
Prior to this story, I believed cohabitation was the most self-deprecating thing young women do. While some women are earnestly tricked into believing that testing compatibility is valuable, cohabitation is a guy’s win-win situation. Girls believe living together is a step closer to their end goal of matrimony, while guys view it as a great stalling mechanism that allows all the benefits of marriage with no commitment: sex, cooking, cleaning, half the rent and more.
I know now that there are worse things than cohabitation. Women are trading in the beautiful tradition of a man saving his hard-earned money to demonstrate his commitment and love through a diamond ring for a glimmer of hope that he might be serious, demonstrated through the potential of sharing STDs. How romantic.
How sad.
“Women are trading in the beautiful tradition of a man saving his hard-earned money to demonstrate his commitment and love through a diamond ring”
This is too funny…you can’t be serious!! I’m not trying to mock you but what about:
1) a woman saving her hard-earned money to demonstrate her commitment and love
2) couples that don’t want a diamond ring to symbolize their commitment but instead want simple gold rings
3) “beautiful tradition” … this is just so old-fashioned I’m surprised you didn’t hear lots of people just rolling their eyes and groaning as you typed it.
“Prior to this story, I believed cohabitation was the most self-deprecating thing young women do”
This is so sexist…why don’t you try preaching to men? What about their actions?
I’ve never understood how people think that the only way to “prove” one’s commitment is to spend a lot of money on a piece of jewellery that historically signifies the transition of the woman from being her father’s property to being her husband’s property.
Do these people who move in together not talk? If you want to get married and your significant other wants to move in…ask about what it means and if it will lead to marriage. Make sure you both understand what it means in your relationship.
Getting married is just a vocalization of and applying a legally binding contract to a commitment. Applying this contract does not make the relationship work, the people who make it have to mean it. And with divorce so easy to get these days, that contract is remarkably easy to make disappear. People who get married and people who cohabit really are relying on each others’ word…so you should probably talk about it.
The first two responses above are the result of a natural evolution of a culture that believes in Evolution and not the history and purpose of man as described in Genesis. “If evolution is right, can anything be wrong.”
The issue boils down to the age old question of TRUTH, as Pilate asked Christ, “What is truth?” Ben Stein’s movie, EXPELLED: No Intelligence Allowed, is a great expose of truth suppression, but it should have included specific examples of the scientific truths which substantiate that evolution (macro evolution) is impossible. Our public school systems and many major institutions are perpetuating a false science that is shaping society into a godless culture that fails to recognize TRUTH.
You see, if evolution is false, what are the remaining possibilities? Answer: God created. But that means He must have a purpose for this creation and that He is in control and that ultimately we are accountable to Him. Many people do not want to be accountable to God, and so evolution (whereby all is random chance) is their ticket to God-avoidance, which is the dismissal of truth.
A great website for scientific info on the issue is http://www.train2equip.com. Also, http://www.icr.org and http://www.answersingenesis.org.
Then I assume you do not have an opinion on same-sex marriage?
Victoria,
Thanks for addressing this,I would agree with Jay’s response and would add that not everyone identifies him or herself as having a world view and yet each person does have a world view. A world view provides the answers to four thing– origin, meaning, morality and destiny after death. If one holds a world view that says that they are an accident, or that they have survived because they are strong and fit, why not do what ever is necessary to obtain immediate satisfaction.
My question to those who refer to your comments as sexist etc. would be to ask some questions. Has anyone every communicated your value to you? And to those who have lived together I would ask– how is that working for you? So many lies.
Heather
Victoria,
You nailed it! Thanks for your insight. I have been married for 34 years to a wonderful man. Our kids are grown and we are enjoying each other more than ever. I find it sad that so few girls are finding the love and stability that I have had. Nothing comes close to having a committed, loving mate for a lifetime. It was God’s idea and it still works beautifully.
Just to be clear, I was addressing the first two responses. I agree with TFF.
I’m glad I don’t live in California where people think exchanging body fluids is commitment. Rapists exchange body fluids. Let’s get their opinion on NPR, since NPR isn’t doing responsible news anymore. They just air tawdry stuff to get money. I don’t think I’ll tune in anymore.
My husband and I have been married for 50 years.
I had been ‘in love’ many times throughout my highschool and college years and am thankful that none of those relationships worked out. I married the very best young man of all I had dated. He was out of Law School, I had also graduated and was teaching second grade when we met in August of 1958. He gave me a diamond at Christmas. I was thrilled with my ring, which reminded me that I promised to marry him.
It’s been a wonderful 50 years. Ups and downs certainly but we worked out our differences. We have 3 grown children who are all married and NONE of them co-inhabited. We did it right.
I pray that whoever reads this will also ‘do it right’. There’s nothing more wonderful than spending the first night together as husband and wife….I grieve for all of you out there that are so self-centered that you don’t want to follow the Laws of God. He has given them to us to protect us.
I believe that cohabitation is not the “problem”, but rather a symptom of the problem…and at its root is the lack of value we place on children, which in turn has led to the devaluing of women – as their tradition roles of wife and mother have no value if the children they are raising have no value…and thus marriage, fatherhood and mens roles of father and provider have no “social” value…( I could go on about this forever!) So “we” all but kick our children out at 18 (a result of the culture of divorce and child support agreements) because some how magically over night they become adults and as they struggle to truly live an adult life they find/believe that it is “easier” to live with a significant other than roommate. And then they spout about being married in their hearts and that nothing will change if they “get married”…but then they break up/move one…(How come no one says they are “divorced” in their heart?) and the vicious cycle continues…
I will say that I think the original post fails give true value of marriage…in that i think “While some women are earnestly tricked into believing that testing compatibility is valuable, cohabitation is a guy’s win-win situation.” sells guys short. I am sure a lot of guys believe that and think that marriage is somehow the end of the line, but I am sure my husband would tell you differently. Its more than just cooking, cleaning, laundry and sex…its partnership and collaboration, its working together to further our family, its the assurance that our children are indeed his children and that I am fully committed to not just our living arrangement, but our relationship and future. If my role in that is raising children, doing laundry, keeping house well then more power to me, my husband, my kids and our family!